Hypothetical
by Ninny-na
Summary: It all started with a simple inquiry. // Style. Oneshot.


**DNO. (Do Not Own)**

**Warnings: This is a Style, meaning this is a boy x boy fic. If you have something against that, please leave. :D As well, there is swearing, cheap Cartman insults, and some odd awkwardness. **

**-&-**

_It all started with a simple inquiry...._

**-&-**

Kenny was a perverted child, to say the least. He was curious about certain_ things_ far earlier then most children. By the age of ten, he had probably seen more Playboy then a sex starved man on E. So it was no surprised as when he grew up, he wondered things most people didn't.

However, as he and Cartman stood at the bus stop waiting for their ride, Kenny finally asked a question that crossed the line.

"Who do you think would top if, hypothetically, Stan and Kyle were together?" (Thankfully, the two were on vacation with their parents and didn't hear this.)

Cartman was, in lack of a better term, shocked. Not only at the question, but at the fact Kenny even found the need to _ask. _With a snort, he responded as if it was the most well known fact in the world.

"Stan, of course, Jews can't top."

Kenny was also rather surprised, because of the fact that, one, Cartman actually _answered, _and two, that he had it _completely _wrong.

So, with a scoff of his own, Kenny crossed his arms and said, "Get off your drugs Cartman, Kyle would so **obviously **own Stan's animal loving ass!"

"What?! I'm not on drugs, you are, you stupid, poor, asshole! Kyle is a downright bottom!"

"Fuck you, fatass! Stan is obviously the bitch in their, _hypothetical, _relationship!"

"Oh yeah gaywad? How 'bout we ask the people at school! Then you'll see how wrong you are!"

"Yeah! How about we do that! Only YOU will be the one being proven wrong!"

**-&-**

_It kept going because of curiosity..._

**-&-**

"Wendy! Smart, smart, smart Wendy.." Cartman began as the two entered school, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah? What is it fatass?" The raven haired girl replied, narrowing her eyes in suspicion as she eyed the large boy.

Said boy's eyes also narrowed, and his hand tightened slightly.

"Because I am strictly here on business, I will ignore that comment. Ho." Before Wendy could retort, Cartman was already pacing in front of her, his classical 'I am explaining something, so shut the fuck up and listen', act. "Wendy, you know Stan better then anyone, that is why I have come to ask you this very important question."

Turning to her, Eric placed both hands on her shoulder, and asked, "If Stan and Kyle were in a hypothetical relationship, would Stan, or would he not, top?"

The girl's expression was, most blatantly, one of disbelief.

"What?!" she nearly shrieked, to which Cartman calmly replied, "It's a very simple question Wendy, all I want to know is that you agree with the statement that Stan would so obviously own Kyle's Jewish ass."

"No!"

"...What?"

"I said _no _fatass. Kyle would so top that pussy fag." Stan's own _ex _replied, saying it as if she was telling someone that the sky was blue.

But before Kenny could celebrate his victory, Bebe cut in.

"What are you talking about? Kyle is **such **a bottom!"

Wendy stared at her best friend in shock, "I thought you said Kyle had a nice ass!"

"Which makes him the perfect bottom!"

It seemed Cartman's and Kenny's search for the answer, would take a few more people.

**-&-**

_It increased because of idiocy._

**-&-**

Even after 3 whole days of asking and recruiting, the 'Who Would Top In A Stan and Kyle (Hypothetical) Relationship' question was still unanswered. The school was completely spilt right down the middle. The teachers also had joined the fight, with Mr. Garrison, and the Principal on Cartman's side (As odd as that may seem.) and Mr. Mackey and Chef on Kenny's. (Again, the awkwardness.)

Best friends were pit against best friends as the war raged, and it seemed the end would only come with the return of the duo. Who were, thankfully, coming home that night, and heading to school the next day.

It seemed the whole town was on edge, well, at least the whole school. Whispers flew throughout the morning as they anxiously awaited the answer.

"Shh, shh! Guys!" Eric Cartman, one of the founders, hissed as the duo approached the door. "When they come in, let _me _do the talking!"

"What!?" Kenny McCormick exclaimed, face contorting into a scowl. "Why you!?"

With a quick roll of the eyes, and a sigh, Eric explained, "Because Kenny, I said so."

"That makes no sense, Fatass!

"Shut your stupid poor mouth Kenny! I am going to ask them, and that's that!"

"Ask who what?" came a intrigued voice from the school's entrance, as the both Stan and Kyle entered. The hall fell deathly silent, except for the two bickering friends who had yet to realize the people they had been arguing about had just entered.

"Stan and Kyle! God, do you not know anything? We've been talking about it all week!" The one widely known as 'Fatass' yelled, his eyes still focused on Kenny.

At the relay of this information, Kyle immediately went on guard as he growled back, "Ask Stan and Kyle _what_?"

Another aggravated sigh.

"Who would top in their... Hypo... thetical.. relationship?" Eric slowly said as he slowly turned, finally realizing who the fuck he was talking to. "Oh, er, hi Kahl."

Now, most people would consider Kyle calm, and level headed. However, when he with near Cartman, he is neither. Thus, causing his answer, to be...

"What!?"

"It's all very simple, Kenny and I have a bet going on, as does half the school, about who would top in your guy's-"

"_Hypothetical._"

"-relationship."

"Dude," it was Stan who replied now, "Why would you even _ask _that?"

"Yeah dude! That's sick!"

"Yeah! Besides, I mean, isn't it obvious? It'd so totally be me."

"Exactly! Wait, **what?!**" cried Kyle, outraged, as he turned towards his best friend, who merely blinked.

"Well, yeah. I mean, do you really think **you'd **top?"

A furious blush threw itself on Kyle's face at this, as he jabbed a forefinger in Stan's chest, clearly annoyed. "What the hell?! There's no way I'd be the bottom in our relationship!"

"Hypothetical relationship." Kenny cut in.

The curly redhead simply waved him off. "Yeah, right, whatever. But, honestly Stan, what makes you think that YOU would be a top?"

One small smirk, a pair of crossed arms, and a cocked brow later, Stan replied, "It's the plain truth Kyle, because one, you're shorter then me. You're way more girly, look at your jeans," he looked pointedly at Kyle's dark denim skinnies. "and you would never do _this._"

Kyle was going to reply to this, he really was. (And it would've been awe inspiring, believe me you.) But, his 'Super Best Friend' of 12 years didn't let him. Instead he, rather fiercely, covered his lips with his own and slammed him against the closest wall. After a couple minutes of some passionate kissing(making out), Stan broke away, leaving his 'friend' wanting more. Kyle attempted for another kiss, but the black haired boy had to rub it in, _just a little bit._

"Well, do you think you would've done that first?"

A growl, another attempt.

"_Well?_"

"No, now shut up and kiss me." Kyle hissed, grabbing hold of his 'hypothetical' boyfriend's collar and slammed their lips back together.

The bell had long since rung, but not a single student made their way to class, not that the teachers were there either. No, they were all in the halls exchanging money for their question had finally been answered.

"**Well**." came Kenny's hard voice. "It seems you won the bet on who would top in their relationship."

"Hypothetical relationship." the winner replied almost instantly as he flipped threw his newest friends. At this, Kenny could only a show a smug smile.

"I don't think it's hypothetical anymore."

Cartman looked up, and made a face at what he saw. His two 'friends' were continuing to suck each other's faces off, despite the crowd.

"Fags."

**-&-**

_And it ended with some blasphemy. _

**-&-**

**I did it. :D I finally finished a South Park fic3 (I hope they're all in character. :/)**

**I actually thought my first would be a Creek, but, what can you do. Style is just as good. :DD**

**Though, I must admit I got this idea from someone else... It was my spin on it though. (:**

**I know that in their world that Fags means something different, and I don't mean to sound homophobic (being a yaoi fangirl, that wouldn't be possible) but that seemed to be the only word that fit. So... :/ Sorry. MAYBEspoiler: As well, Chef is no longer a pedophile, for those who have seen that episode..**

**I wanted to hug Kyle at the chest jabbin' part. xDD**

**Reviews are loved, con crit is very much welcomed, and flames will be used for marshmellows. Thank you. :D**

**I respond to every review, and become slightly hurt at a fav with no review. Just a little thing saying that you liked it is honestly all I ask. (:**


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